Strong Enough
by NakuruAngel
Summary: RESUB! And then Vincent wondered....if he were gone from the world, would Chaos, in turn, be dead as well? And most of all, was Vincent strong enough to take that chance? Little Valenwind CidVincent Rated for character death.


11:50. Almost midnight. You pace back and forth across a grey carpet. You can't feel it. Your metal boots protect your feet from the softness of it. You glance at the clock again, and one minute has passed. You clutch at your hair, so long and silky, black, like your dreams, and sigh in frustration. Your pacing speeds up. You are undecided, your fate undetermined, and you know that the only person who can make up your mind is the one whose fingers grab your ebony locks in anger.

You can feel it though, the inescapable decision lurking in the back of the fog surrounding your heart as your mind focuses on what's to become of you. There is a screaming, a horrid shrieking, and it belongs to the other you, the one you want to destroy. And you know there is only one way.

It lives inside of you, festering you every time you fall, poisoning the air you breathe with every weakening moment. It is killing you. And if you do not make up your mind now, it will finish before you can get to it, and then it will move on to those you love.

With that thought, another voice, a lighter, more easy-going voice, softly whispers a name to you, a name you know well. The owner of the name haunts your thoughts as ceaselessly as that of the shrieking, but you welcome it, embrace it. In your mind you call forth the image of a pilot, coarse blonde hair, bright, laughing blue eyes, and you hang on to those eyes as you walk to a plain black dresser.

Wrenching open the drawers, you pull out a silver and black gun. Cerberus knows your grip, and fits comfortably in your hand. You take a moment to examine the charm hanging from the handle, almost forgetting about Cid Highwind's sapphire orbs and why you must remember them. You walk to the large sliding-glass door of your apartment, and walk out onto the balcony. Cool air rips across your face, tangling your hair and cloak.

As you look out across the little city, the comforting lights of Rocket Town, you can't help but lose control. You fall to your knees, head resting against the railing of the balcony. You can feel the walls of your cold heart breaking, cracking, and eventually falling. Protection gone, your eyes well with tears, your vision becomes foggy and blurred. You try, but you can't blink away the salty drops. As each one falls, more come to replace them, and you heave a wet sob, thinking of everything you're giving up.

You remember riding on Cid's ship after fighting the Bahamut, feeling the pride of helping your friend Cloud defeat Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz. You remember the love you once had for Lucrecia and the feeling of total loss when you woke up without either her or Hojo in sight. You remember, like you had so many times before, the cold, empty feeling you felt when you first met Cid Highwind. You think of how he had always made you feel so cold, standing next to his warm body, and how, after time, he had come to fill in the empty space in your heart without you even asking him to.

You remember your conversation with him only half an hour before.

**-flashback-**

_"Cid?" you asked, cautiously._

_"Yeah?" he replied. You search for the right words._

_"Do you…do you think Chaos could be beaten? Forced out, sort of?" you asked carefully, not wanting the pilot to know your true thoughts._

_"Eh….well, yeah, I guess he could…" he had said to you, not quite catching your underlying question._

_"How, do you think?" you persisted._

_"Erm, well…" he shifted uncomfortably. "I guess, if you…ya know, weren't around anymore…then…" he swallowed hard. "Then I guess neither would Chaos." _

_You stare silently out the window in comprehension._

_"Cid, thank you for tonight. Getting together with the others was fun. And thank you for the ride," you add, noticing that you are now stopped in the car outside your apartment. He nods, thankful for the change of subject._

_"Anytime, Vinny," he said happily. You grace him with a rare and beautiful smile, and that makes him even happier._

_"Goodbye," you say, getting out of the vehicle. Your subconscious mind knows well how much that goodbye really means._

**-end flashback-**

You sigh through the tears. You stand, gathering any last bits of courage you still possess. You think of Cid, of everything you'd ever done with him. You think, more importantly, of all the things you'd never said to him, all the things you should have told him tonight, when you went to his house for dinner with Cloud and Barret. You think of how you feel about him. About how you love him.

You think about how he'll never know that now.

You gently kiss the handle of Cerberus, and slowly bring the point to your head. The screeching inside of you from Chaos becomes louder and louder, protesting against your actions in every possible way. Your body begins to ache, everywhere you ache, and your gun arm gets heavy and tired. Pain shoots through your head, but you know it can't kill you yet. It isn't strong enough.

But you are. You know you must be. For yourself. For Cid. For the whole world, you must be strong enough.

All of Chaos' protests you have heard and felt before. But then it tries a new one. It squeezes your heart, binding it, and you let out a scream, it hurts you so. Just then, the door at the other end of the apartment was flung open, and you hear a familiar voice swear violently.

"Vincent!" he yelled after the profanities. You are in pain, but you do not miss the other kind of pain saturating Cid's voice, the helplessness, the pleading.

Chaos squeezes your heart harder, and you yell out again, almost falling to your knees.

"No, Vincent!" the pilot yelled, starting to make his way over to you. But he knows how dangerous the monster inside of you is at times like this. He knows it could kill you if he sets it off rather than you. He also knows what you're thinking. He knows what you're about to do.

"No…Cid…" you croak out through the pain. You aren't the only one who could be harmed when your demon is trying to take over forcefully. You stand, facing him, and somehow manage to pull your almost numb arm up and point the faithful gun to your skull.

Cid's eyes widened, any trace of the laughter of earlier that night vanished, and tears of absolute fear and maybe love traced his jaw line as they left wet streaks on his perfect face.

"Goodbye, Cid…" you say, your finger tightening slightly on the trigger, until you remember that you have one last message for your Captain.

"…I love you…" you say, your voice a scratchy whisper as you force out the words around the pain, both mental and physical.

You hear a yell, and then "But I love you, Vin!" from the blonde man's mouth, and his tear-stained face is the last image you see before the trigger is pulled. Your vision goes red with temporary pain, but then, the cries of the monster Chaos finally defeated, all your world goes black.


End file.
